Thursday, February 10, 2011

Bad Girl Manifesto

I talk a big talk about technology. I’m resistant to the way things are changing so rapidly, calling myself a pseudo-neo-luddite. But this internet, man; it’s got some nice stuff going on. For instance, I’m at work, and I’m not supposed to be blogging (as you, dear reader, are surely far too aware), but a friend tipped me off to Google docs and, damn, is it innocuous! It looks so professional! I look like I’m working! And who’s to say I’m not? Cultivating my creative voice as a writer could only enhance my capability to expand the literary capacity of others, right? RIGHT? So I can write the document in here, and then post it at my leisure. Way to incriminate myself!
Actually, that’s been my M.O. for pretty much as far back as I can remember. Not satisfied with merely breaking rules, I feel the urge to make it known. Maybe (definitely) I like the attention, but I think it’s more about flaunting my skills as a criminal mastermind. And, of course, honesty. We all know that following rules is a drag, but to simply behave as if I have done the right thing would be disingenuous. So, I consistently challenge authority, only to then start flapping my jaw about what a clever badass I am, or how my principles should transcend some arbitrary regulation.

Now, this isn’t a regular thing. I don’t come to work in a school and launder money out of our grant to buy cigarettes that I smoke in the little girls’ room. But I do have a small track record that I will not write about but am kind of proud of. I could argue that it’s astrological- we Ariens love rebelling- but any time I pull that card, all of my friends and family exchange glances acknowledging my loose grip on reality. Maybe I like to break the rules because it gives me a chance to tell a good story, but I’m no good at stories, so I usually just end up mentioning something I did in passing, and then murmuring strange details about the experience. And nonchalant mentions of breaches of edict certainly impresses the fellas, if you know what I mean.

But astrology and boasting aside, I think my main motivator for these unmentionable crimes has been fun. Doing what you’re not supposed to is exciting, as long as nobody gets hurt, of course. Well, that could be exciting, too, but it’s not really my cup of illegal tea. I don’t want to do any damage, honestly; I just want to do what I feel like doing when I feel like doing it. I don’t mean without thinking (although I have made some thoughtless moves in the past); I just believe that sometimes rules cannot decree precisely what should take place in each moment of every person’s life.

Rules exist for a reason. I enforce them in on a regular basis. I am,
and have been for the past few years, something of an authority figure. So I always find amusement in reprimanding children for breaking rules, because I can truly empathize with their plight. I don’t get off on enforcement and trip on power; I believe that respect has to be earned and I strive to give the respect that I expect to receive, be it from students or colleagues. But power plays can be delicate, which is why it is vital to have a system of explicit tenets to which we can refer. Why did I feel the urge to challenge these precepts and compose this post? Probably in a vain attempt to absolve myself as I guiltily look over my shoulder in case my boss should arrive. Which she just did.

Rebel comrades, I’m signing out.

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