Grow Up, Baby Mouth

That granola post was just skimming the soy-milky surface of the food topic. What I really have to say about food is simple: eat it. But I don't just mean to eat like one or two things. I mean really EAT food.

See, some people have a serious problem. It's called being a "picky eater," but that is a very generous term. These are ignorant and deprived individuals. You may be thinking, "Miss Blogger, you aren't usually so staunchly opinionated." Well, that's because this is an important cause, and it is our responsibility as open-minded, open-mouthed, thinking people to stop this epidemic.

First, we must seek out these sad louts. You may find them near McDonald's, eating fries (never a "fish" sandwich), or perhaps in the park indulging in a cheese sandwich or chicken cutlet on NOTHING with NOTHING on it. These people like chocolate chip cookies but are afraid of sauce, with the exception of ketchup. They actually LOVE ketchup, because it creates the illusion of flavor on their unlearned taste buds. They enjoy grilled cheese, but will not eat a Reuben. They damn better well like pizza. Don't even think about approaching them with curry.

These food-pussies (pardon my French) are terrified of raw fish (and, for the most part, are grossed out by cooked fish, purportedly due to "the smell"), disgusted by the texture of flan, and find spicy foods traumatizing. Essentially, they have the palates that many people outgrow by the age of seven. Not me, though, I've been indulging in shrimp and olives since I've been able to strip 'em and pit 'em. I'm not saying that we all should have been ravenous for exotic delicacies from day one, but come on, we're adults here. If we have access to delicious, mind-expanding foods, we should chomp on the opportunity!

So, here's your assignment: find one of these food-bigots, hold his or her nose, and forcibly introduce that hidebound fool to the pleasures of fine dining. Escargot, perhaps? Swiss chard, maybe? Anything that has some color or an etymological origin in another country's tongue. It's not right for these people to be missing out on such a vital visceral and cultural aspect of life in the free world.


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